Hey y'all! Sorry I haven't posted in almost a year. I lost inspiration for a few months, gave up, and then just didn't have the energy to do it anymore. But I really love doing this so I'm back! Today I'm gonna talk about how to help a loved one who is suicidal because currently I am suicidal and have had to deal with a not so nice person.
The first thing to remember when someone tells you they are suicidal is that it isn't personal. This person is going through a goddamn war with their own mind. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else so the best thing you can do is NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Another thing to remember is that they are not being selfish. They are going through such tremendous pain that they see suicide as the only way to end it so yes, they are preoccupied with themselves but that doesn't mean they're selfish. Now that we got that covered, let's go over 3 surefire ways to make a suicidal person feel 100x worse.
1. Telling them to kill themselves
I hope this is straightforward but clearly it isn't to everybody because I recently had someone tell me "Kill ya damn self I don't care" after confessing to them I was suicidal. So for those of you who may not see how this is a very very bad thing to do, realize that this person already feels worthless and doesn't think anything in life matters. When you decide to be an evil motherfucker and tell them to kill themselves, you are blatantly saying to that person that you don't care if they're dead or alive and you pretty much wish them dead. How fucked is that? Please don't say this shit even if you're furious with them. Don't even say it to someone who isn't currently suicidal because it's...a terrible thing to do.
2. Telling them that suicide is a sin and they're gonna go to hell
Keep your crazy religious bullshit to yourself when dealing with someone suicidal. I guarantee you someone who wants to kill themselves does not care about what god has to say. By saying this, all you're doing is instilling fear in the person which isn't cool. It's like telling a 4 year old they're going to hell for saying a curse word. Cruel and unnecessary. Also by entertaining the idea that suicide is somehow a sin you're essentially saying everyone who has died by suicide is a bad person when really they were just in a shit ton of mental anguish. I don't care what your beliefs are, YOU ARE NOT HELPING WHEN YOU SAY THIS. You uber-religious fuckin peanut. Mentally ill people are not sinners. We're not "committing" a crime when we take that way out. We're not evil. Erase the stigma and be kind.
3. Telling them they are weak
The fact that mentally ill people are fighting their own mind every minute of every day proves that we're fucking warriors. My friend was not weak. She held on for a long time and only spread love and positive energy while she was on this earth before taking her life. Suicidal people are some of the strongest people because we can keep a smile on our face and make others laugh and have fun all the while suffering so deeply inside. We are not weak.
Now we got those out of the way (I know there are many more terrible ways to "help" someone suicidal) we can go into ways to actually help this person you're concerned about.
Hug them/physical affection
If they're down with it, go ahead and give your loved one a big, tight hug. Physical affection can be very reassuring to people and comforting. It lets them know they aren't alone and it's like for a moment they're safe. Not alone with scary, ugly thoughts. Hug them and hold on to them and while you're at it tell them why they matter to you.
Tell them why they matter to you
If you're reading this blog you're probably concerned about a loved one who matters to you. It shouldn't be hard to express your love for them. "You're an amazing friend and I really appreciate you. I look forward to seeing you and cherish our moments together." Boom. Copy those exact words if you want. It doesn't have to be a whole ass monologue, it can be as simple as that as long as you get across how much they mean to you.
Take them outside
Get them the fuck out of the house. Get some fresh air. Treat them at their favorite restaurant. Go see a movie they've been wanting to see. Go mini golfing. Go dancing. Go to a museum or the beach or on a hike (get that workout in!). Exercise is a great way to feel better because of the endorphins released as well as the feeling of accomplishment. It's hard to workout by yourself so going out with your loved one can be helpful. Being outside doing something fun can be a nice distraction and reminder of what they enjoy in life.
Let them vent
If you are in a healthy headspace go ahead and open your doors to them to vent. Sometimes we just need to get things off our chest and know someone is there for us. Let them vent without any judgment or repercussions.
Help them with hygiene
Oftentimes people who are severely depressed can no longer take care of themselves. I'm not saying to bathe them but encourage them to get out of bed to do at least one thing they haven't been able to do. Personally I wish someone had reminded me to shower or brush my teeth (without judgment) when I was doing badly. An example for bringing it up nicely is this: "Hey I know you're feeling pretty bad and it's hard to do things but try and do one thing today ok? Remember to brush your teeth today. It will help you feel better even if it's only a little bit. I love you."
Call or FaceTime them
If you can't see each other in person it can be difficult to know how to help but sometimes just talking on the phone and having a normal chat with your friend or relative can be soothing. Laugh with them, tell them about what's new in your life, talk about your favorite memories with them. I think y'all know how to have a conversation with someone you love but sometimes you can forget when you know they're going through a tough time. If they do want to talk about their struggles allow them that space to do so. Be sure to listen more than shoving your advice down their throat.
Play a game together
Whether it be online or in person, just having some fun can take their mind off ya know, wanting to die. Board games are my favorite because I get more invested in them than video games but whatever your loved one enjoys best, do that! Although I'm hella depressed right now and have low energy I'd love to have someone play some games with me and take the stress off me from school and this goddamn pandemic. Luckily I have a little brother who will sometimes play with me.
Write in a gratitude journal with them and/or write about what you're looking forward to
This can be a great way to just sit down and appreciate the little things. Doing this alone can be daunting and someone suicidal might not even be able to come up with anything but doing it alongside someone can help. Your gratitude list can be absolutely anything but make sure to acknowledge that you're grateful for your person. As far as what you're looking forward to, include something that you and your loved one might be doing together in the future. If it's a friend maybe write down that you're looking forward to going to that concert y'all both are interested in. If it's a family member you could say that you're looking forward to spending the next holiday with them for example. Just use your imagination and come up with something that you genuinely feel and share it with your person.
The list could go on forever but those are just a few things that I thought could support your loved one through their tough times. Always make sure to speak to them and act without judgment because nothing feels worse than wanting to die and having your friend look down on you for it. Lastly, I want to go into emergency mode. If somebody you know has just attempted suicide or is about to.
If they have already attempted
Call 911. Don't leave them alone. Don't bother calling anyone else until after you've talked to the emergency dispatcher. What's most important is getting this person to the hospital so they can be saved. Then you need to call a family member or friend to let them know what's going on. Try to figure out if they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
If they are about to attempt
They may start saying goodbyes and handling affairs as if they're about to die. You might not even realize what is happening but if you know they're suicidal please make sure they are safe. Call a mental health professional to figure out what to do. Encourage them to call a hotline such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the United States, 1-800-273-8255. If you are able, make sure their home is safe from anything that can be used to harm themselves such as knives, guns, razors, etc.
Some questions to ask if you suspect someone in your life is suicidal:
How have you been coping with what's going on in your life?
Are you thinking about dying?
Do you feel like giving up?
Are you thinking about hurting yourself?
Have you thought about how or when you would do it?
Do you have access to weapons or anything that can be used to harm yourself?
Remember, take the topic of suicide seriously. We don't need to be losing people to this epidemic because nobody cared enough to help or took threats of suicide seriously. But don't blame yourself if it does happen because you can't save everyone. All we can do is show each other love so do that and don't be a dick. Thanks for reading!