I’ve been meaning to do this blog for months now but just haven’t had the time or energy, but I want to talk about this because it’s something that not a lot of people know about and understand fully. Especially since it’s Mental Health Awareness Month I think it’s a great time to post this informative blog and erase stigma associated with psychosis.
Psychosis is defined as “A mental disorder characterized by a disconnection from reality.” What does this mean? Well a disconnection from reality is when you don't understand what is real and what's not due to hallucinations or delusions. And what are hallucinations and delusions you ask? Well you probably already know what hallucinations are- they're mainly auditory or visual (but can also be tangible, scented, or tasted) perceptions that are not real but feel real. Delusions are beliefs held despite evidence showing that the belief is false such as the delusion that someone is after you. Now that we got those definitions out of the way we can really dive into what psychosis is.
Psychosis is a symptom, not an illness. It is caused by mental illness, substance abuse, or extreme stress and trauma. It can also be due to a traumatic brain injury, brain tumors, Parkinsons disease, or Alzheimer's. Psychosis can also be a symptom of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
So what is psychosis like?
Young people are affected by psychosis more than older people and nobody knows why. The first episode psychosis (FEP) is the first time someone has a psychotic episode. Leading up to the FEP the individual may deal with depression, changes in behavior, isolation, among other symptoms. For me, my FEP happened in 2017 and I was very paranoid and was experiencing dissociation before it happened. The actual episode was a bit traumatizing for me because I was scared that my mom wasn't really my mom and then later she mocked me. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor screaming and shaking my head and clawing at my back while she talked at me. I know she didn't know what was going on or what to do but she really didn't help at all. In fact she made me feel worse.
After that my delusions got worse and my hallucinations came. I have persecutory delusions which means that I believe someone is coming to get me. Specifically the government so when my psychosis gets bad I'm very paranoid of using computers, any electronics, the cops, and sometimes even my own family. I remember being extremely paranoid last year before I got help and I would see cameras everywhere. I couldn't function at all. I couldn't use my phone or laptop. I was paralyzed. My delusion is still here but my meds help control it so that I can function.
Basically what psychosis is like for me is dealing with both delusions and hallucinations and having psychotic episodes that scare the shit out of the people around me including myself. Usually I don't want to hurt anyone because I'm afraid someone's going to hurt me. Other times I do want to hurt someone and that's just the voices in my head telling me to do it. Luckily for me the meds I take help get rid of all that though. Medication doesn't work for everyone unfortunately.
Psychosis for me is a hard thing to deal with because nobody really knows what to do when I have an episode and I can get frustrated easily. I personally deal with paranoia, auditory hallucinations, and delusions. I take medication every day to combat the symptoms. Psychosis is like seeing the world in a completely different way than everyone else and not being able to express it clearly so you get called "crazy". People with psychosis aren't crazy or psycho. We just have unconventional ways of expressing ourselves and get upset when people don't understand. I hope this blog helped you understand what psychosis is and what it's like for someone who has it. What I want you to take away from this is that psychosis isn't a bad or scary thing. It's just something that certain people are dealt in life just like an illness. It also is something you need to research further and talk to more people about it who have it to erase any stigma you may have.