Hello everyone, I know it's been a long time since I've given any updates. I don't have much to say about what I'm working on because I haven't been working on anything (including this blog) but I have plenty to tell you about what's going on in my life. I'll give you five updates.
1. I am currently in school. I think this is technically my first year since I changed majors so I got another couple semesters to go. Because of COVID-19 all the campuses are shut down so I'm doing everything online which is lame because like- I'm supposed to make a film and idk how I'm gonna do that in these circumstances. I am stressed and depressed and slightly suicidal.
2. I was diagnosed with hyperprolactinemia in January. I have a small tumor on my pituitary gland which is causing it. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist this Friday to see if I'm any better. I'm not lactating anymore so I think the meds are working lol.
3. I started cam modeling the beginning of February and have earned over $200. I haven't been online for a few weeks because I feel awful but I don't want to quit. It's pretty easy money. Except I just blocked my biggest tipper because he's a terrible person. We'll see how it goes.
4. I quit therapy a while ago. I had to be honest with myself and say that I'm not ready to work on my main problems. Plus my therapist basically told me he couldn't help me which I understand. He was kind but definitely wasn't equipped to handle my shit. I am not sure when I'll go back to therapy because I have to find a therapist who is first accessible to me (takes my insurance, is nearby, etc.) and then someone who actually specializes in my disorder(s) and isn't queerphobic. I have standards. It's not gonna be easy finding the right therapist living where I'm living.
5. I am not over what my ex did to me. I think about him and his WIFE and apparently baby on the way a lot. I guess I'm jealous that he seems to actually love this person when he lied to me when he said he loved me. I'm not in love with him anymore but I am hurt. He took advantage of me in more ways than one, was mean to me, abusive, and lied to me who knows how many times. Shouldn't I be over it already? I'm tired. I wish I could erase his memory from my brain. He broke me.
Comments