Hey y’all! It’s been a while since I updated you guys on what’s going on over in Saph’s life. Let’s start with my mental health.
In January I began having suicidal thoughts again so I went to the hospital for the 4th time in 4 months. I feared my brother was going to die and my anxiety about my boyfriend was overwhelming. I was there for 8 days. Currently my mental health is better but not great. I am heartbroken and stressed about my new job.
Leading us into the next topic, I got a job! I had a phone interview and was offered the job as a behavior technician right there and then. I’ve been working on the steps I need to take such as 40hr online training which has been extremely stressful. Nonetheless I’m very happy I got this job and excited to start.
With this job I’ve realized I might want to change my major to social work. I know I want to help kids so it would be a great career path but I’m not sure I’ll like it. This change has caused me additional stress and panic because I truly thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life.
I have started the neurological testing to figure out why I keep falling and convulsing. So far I’ve had an EEG and have a nerve test this Thursday. I’m afraid they’ll come to the conclusion that I’m perfectly fine because I’ve been dealing with this pain for 4 years now and it’s not just anxiety.
I switched mental health clinics and I’m so happy I got SMI so I could do that because my old clinic was terrible. I have hope now that I have SMI services. I now have a case manager and a peer support who check up on me. I’m gonna start individual therapy soon and I have a psychiatrist I actually like.
I’ve made some new online friends who make me feel welcome and happy to be alive. Also Ezra has continued to be a lovely best friend to me. I appreciate everyone on Twitter who’s shown that they care about me. I try to share my light with them as much as they do with me.
Lastly, I desperately miss James. I don’t know where he is. I’m afraid he’s never coming back to me. I can’t get a hold of him and he hasn’t called in over a month. It‘s the main thing that is keeping me from being truly happy. I need him in my life. I need to know he’s alive and well.
Thanks for reading! I hope y’all enjoyed my update and I look forward to sharing more posts with you!
